Eeyore

Less than one week until I'm in the happiest place on earth!!! (I'm only a little bit excited.) On that note, I saw an image earlier this week that I've seen before, but decided was worth some of my thoughts.

I wasn't a huge fan of Winnie the Pooh as a kid, but I did love Tigger. As a kid, I didn't think much about Eeyore and his cloudy disposition. I just accepted that was how the character was, like how Piglet was always scared of things. (Random: what animal is Eeyore supposed to be?? Oh wait, I just remembered he's a donkey...yes?) As a child, it never occurred to me that his friends should try to change him or expect him to be happy like they are. He was simply accepted exactly how he was and that was okay.
What changes when we reach adulthood? What prompts that mental shift from acceptance to an urge to "fix" people? Is having depression such a black spot on one's personality that we all feel the need to dunk them in healing baths that usually just make things worse? I realize this may sound weird coming from someone who has expressed her plans to become a therapist. But I believe therapy and/or seeking medical attention is completely different than those around you pushing these interventions for the wrong reasons, which is what I'm attempting to address here. Too often it seems we try to fix someone without stopping to find out what the real problem is. And a lot of the time, these people don't need a cure-just a friend.
All too often, those who are struggling are told that it's all in their head, and if they just try hard enough to focus on the positive, they'll feel better and all will be well. I've always found that to be simplistic and somewhat insulting. While trying to be positive and look on the bright side can help, with some people it only works to a point. The mind and emotions are incredibly complex. There is so much involved with how we think and feel, that to just say "try harder" is probably one of the least helpful things you can do for someone. Chemicals called neurotransmitters are only one of the things responsible for our emotions. Some people simply do not have enough of these neurotransmitters (generally serotonin and/or dopamine) to have that cheery disposition we're all so inexplicably obsessed with. Other people may have enough of these neurotransmitters, but their receptors receive them too quickly for them to actually work. This is not something we have any control over. So please, stop yourself and think before telling someone who is struggling to just cheer up. It is not a light switch. It is not. that. simple.
And in those instances, there is no shame in asking for professional help. I know I say this a lot, and I plan to continue saying it until the stigma around mental health disappears. Whether that help is a therapist or a prescription, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. (And if that prescription comes from a medical doctor, try to find one with a background in behavioral sciences. Trust me, it makes all the difference in the world.) Those who struggle, specifically with depression, are not second class citizens. Or projects. We are people (or in Eeyore's case, a donkey) who just need acceptance and friendship. And kudos to Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet. They understood this. Let us all strive to be a little more like them and first try simply being a friend.  

This sucks

I need to rant. Slash whine. My OB gave me a prescription for Clomid at the end of last month. At first I was hesitant but I'm so sick of trying and getting nowhere so I gave it a go. And it frickin sucks. I felt fairly normal when I was actually taking the pills, but now that it's been about two weeks since I took the cycle of pills, I hate it. I feel pregnant, which makes absolutely no sense. I'm not due for my period until the end of next week, so it's way too early to speculate. And my face refuses to clear up, in fact, I woke up to it looking worse this morning. My first thought was maybe my hormones are out of whack for a good reason, but then I realized probably not as I always break out about a week before my period. And since it's Wednesday, it's not as early as I originally thought. What is the point of taking these awful pills that screw with my mind if I'm just going to get a big fat red stain on my birthday?! Honestly. Universe, just stop messing with me. I don't have the emotional stamina for this for much longer. I just don't. If I'd known all this was going to happen, I could have gotten a head start on my masters. But no....
And you know what doesn't help? What isn't at all comforting? Those couples who tried for 5-6+ years before they finally got pregnant. Do you have any idea how disheartening that is??? No, of course you don't. How could you? And sure...their trial went on way longer than mine...you know what? I don't care!! Because the fact of the matter is, I heard my daughter's heartbeat. She had a body. I felt her move inside me. SHE WAS HERE. And then left. So now I'm stuck trying to bring her back, with little to no help from the stars. I'm sick of this. I could have been a therapist by now. I could have made something more of myself. Instead, I'm sitting at home teaching myself how to be a housewife to a husband and cat. Because I can't start any big projects for fear of having to put them on hold at some point. And don't say it'll happen when it's supposed to or my time will come. Those are honestly THE LEAST helpful things to hear. Just let me scream and cry.  

Owner of a Lonely Heart

I thought that maybe if I just pulled up an open post and started typing, I'd come up with something worth posting. January is an ugly month, if you ask me. People start the month with great ideas and goals, only to end up falling short a good chunk of the time. I do realize this isn't the case with everyone, but around mid-January, you can see enthusiasm waning. Not to mention the snow now becomes an ugly snow. It's not the pretty pure white that falls around Christmas. The snow on the ground is now old and dirty. Plus there's just something about the first month of the year that seems to make it drag. It's as if the world is struggling to gain the momentum it needs for the rest of the year.

So I'm glad it's February. Psychologically, February feels better-at least it does to me. Plus it's my birthday month. I guess the roundabout point of those musings was to say that January was uneventful for me. Yikes, I feel like I'm rambling....Oh, here came an idea!

This past weekend Husband and I went to the ice castles in Midway with a friend of his and a date. The ice castles are somewhere I've been curious about ever since I first heard about/saw pictures of them. I don't know how they do it, but it's a winter only attraction. It's also where the Piano Guys shot their Let It Go video.

(While I don't love Frozen as much as everyone else seems to, I do think it's a cute movie. And how amazing are these guys?! I love them.)

Anywho, I was under the impression that they were completely enclosed. In reality, it's more like a series of little tunnels you can walk/crawl through made of ice. There were tons of kids running around having a grand old time. It was a fun experience, but I don't know if I'd make it a tradition-maybe after we have kids of our own. I also feel like a weirdo saying it was cool, because, well....ice. But it was good to get out of the house and into nature in a unique way.