2015 Favorites

I feel like I've started so many posts talking about how terrible I am at blogging and how I resolve to be better about it, and then not much changes. So in all honesty, I have no glorious excuse. The holidays have come and gone-well, except for New Years-but close enough. I can't say those kept me from blogging any more than regular chores like laundry and grocery shopping. I do have ideas for different posts floating around in my head. Why don't I just sit down and write them one of these days? I don't know. Probably because they're fairly nebulous at this point. But as this is the time of year for resolutions and bettering oneself, I really am going to try to be better about this blogging thing and write those posts I keep meaning to.
I don't want this to just be a post where I list my goals for the new year. Personally I think that would be pretty boring to write. And read. So...I'm not going to! Ha! Since 2015 was easily the worst year of my life, I'm happy to see it go and hopeful for what 2016 could bring. But as I've mentioned in another post, I don't want to dwell on the negative. So I'm going to post a few of my favorite things that did happen in 2015. (And if anyone starts singing My Favorite Things from Sound of Music, so help me, I will punch you. I LOATHE that musical.)

2015 Favorites:

(in no particular order)

Disneyland

Watson

My witch themed murder mystery party for Halloween

Comic Con

Star Wars

Paint Nite

I know there are others, but these are what I had pictures for and came to mind fairly quickly. So sayonara 2015, you kicked my butt, and also had some good times. I'm anxious to see what good is coming my way in 2016.

Hollow Moon

In my continued efforts to be transparent with my own journey with depression, I write this. Again I find myself hesitating, but my hope is reading about what I'm going through will help someone else. So here we go...
Originally when I went off the antidepressants, I really did feel great. I think part of it was the fact that I felt better about handling things on my own. I felt more in control of my feelings and my mind. But slowly, the pain came back. At first I didn't even recognize it for what it was, or that I really had slipped back down. The haunting thought kept coming to me that maybe I gave up on the medications too soon. The PA wanted to give me one more prescription-one that would work on dopamine, rather than serotonin. Clearly messing with serotonin was not the way to go for me. But I was scared. I was scared to mess with a different neurotransmitter. So I said I was ready to handle things on my own because I didn't want to find out what weird side effects could come. Messing with the chemicals in your brain is kind of a big deal. And I think deep down I knew this, but didn't want to admit it to myself.
So I started to look for different ailments that could explain why I felt crappy. In hindsight, I was rather messed up. But it was, and still is, extremely hard for me to admit when I need help. With the background I have, I know there's nothing to be ashamed of in needing antidepressants, but the proud part of me is one tough cookie to break. I know they can do a lot of good and help thousands of people but again, I was scared to let them work on me.
Eventually, though, I admitted defeat and landed in the PA's office yet again. He seemed almost as if he was enjoying me explaining my struggles. When I pointed this out to him, his response surprised me a bit. He said it was good to see me coming to terms with and accepting things. (At that moment I didn't realize that's what I was doing.) He said I was a tough one to crack. (That made me happy when it probably shouldn't have.) Then I had one of those moments where you aren't really aware of the breakthrough you're making until the words have left your mouth. I told him part of the reason I don't like taking antidepressants is because taking a pill every morning makes me feel like I'm sick. Without missing a beat, he said that's okay.
(This next little bit is mostly just for me)
It's okay to be sick. It's okay to need help. I know I've said these things to other people before, but it's just as important for me to say them to myself. This struggle is not my identity, and it will help me better understand what others are going through.  
At the end of my appointment, I remember him saying it's okay...You'll take the Wellbutrin, and you'll feel better. I remember thinking, can it really be that simple? And then I had the thought, why wouldn't it be? I've only been taking this new pill for a few days, but haven't had any side effects, so maybe this is the boost I didn't want to admit I needed. I guess it can be that simple.

Updates and a craft

I really am so terrible at keeping this blog going. I apologize to anyone who actually waits for my posts here. My cooking blog on the other hand, feels like it's doing splendidly! Things lately haven't been super exciting, we've just been plugging along. I'm trying to figure out how to get where I want to be for my career, as is Husband. Grad school is very likely for both of us. Our lease for our apartment will be up this coming spring, so we've also been looking rather casually for a new place to live. It's looking like we'll land in a townhome, but exactly where is still TBD. Watson is still as adorable as ever. His new trick is to wake us up in the middle of the night by meowing a bunch for no apparent reason. Good thing he's cute.

Oh! How stupid of me! I almost forgot my sister and I decided to get crafty last week. We put vinyl stickers on those plastic pumpkins because I saw it on Etsy and thought that would be so easy to do yourself! I am not a crafty person. Like really, I'm not. I'm comfortable in the kitchen, and playing piano. Sometimes guitar. And singing in my car if I'm by myself. I can't craft worth squat, but that doesn't stop me from trying! I've learned to just keep the crafts simple. I thought this would be a really simple one. What I didn't think through was the fact that putting vinyl on a curved surface is a pain in the butt. I sat and smoothed bubbles only to have them reappear and then reappear again. The other thing we learned was that smaller pieces work better on your curved surface. My Tanner pumpkin with the spider has zero bubbles or folds. But the other two pumpkins do. Oh well. They're currently on our porch so no one can really inspect them closely. Ta da!

SLCC15

Last weekend I went to comic con with my sister and Husband. This the second con Husband and I have been to, the first for my sister. Originally I wasn't going to go. They didn't have any celebrity guests I was super excited about. Somewhere in the mix though, my sister convinced me to sign up for the Superhero 5k with her. And then they announced Chris Evans was going to be at comic con. (That's Captain America for those who aren't in the nerd loop.) That's a HUGE deal. And my sister happens to think he's pretty cute, so I managed to convince her to go to see him and maybe get an autograph or photo op. Then it was announced that his autographs and photo ops would be sold for $150 a pop. Ouch. That's a bit out of range for a good chunk of us, I'd say. So I felt like a horrible sister because I'd convinced her to go for him, and now she wouldn't even get to interact with him. (They released some of the photo ops in a lottery, but of course we didn't win.)
All this was happening in the months and weeks leading up to comic con, I can't remember the exact timeline. Meanwhile, we were doing our best to get in shape for the 5k. Fast forward to a week or two before comic con. SLCC announced that the Chris Evans panel was going to require a ticket, which would be issued, again via a lottery. This was very likely due to the fact that it was going to be extremely popular and we don't have the capacity for people to camp out like they do at San Diego for Hall H. Not to mention, we don't have a room the size of Hall H. So we entered to win for that, thinking little of it as the panel was going to be the same morning as the race.
Fast forward again to Friday night, my sister and I are sitting in a panel at the end of the day. She decides to check her email. She has won a ticket to the Chris Evans panel the next morning!! We're shocked. We leave the panel because it was boring and my sister now needs to decide what to do. So we wander the vendor floor for a bit and participate in some retail therapy. I'm telling her to go to the panel, as is Husband, and her friend she's texting. We sit down in the final panel of the night and she checks her email again. She's won a second ticket! I get to go too! However, the entry times for the panel are roughly an hour apart so we wouldn't be together and we'd have to miss the race. I'm fine with this as I took a month or so off from running after I thought I was pregnant and wasn't. My body's just mean. But she's having a really hard time with this because of all the effort she's put towards it. After much anguish, it's decided we'll go to the panel.

The next morning, we both made some friends while waiting for the panel to start. The girl next to me had flown in from Wisconsin, had a photo op with Chris and Sebastian Stan (the Winter Soldier), and was getting both of them to sign said picture. She said she'd spent about $1000 on all this. That is commitment, right there. But most importantly, the panel! Chris is adorable. He seemed like a very nice, down to earth kind of guy. I didn't know this, but I guess he has social anxiety and wasn't even sure if he should take the role of Cap because of it. I tweeted my favorite quote from the panel, which was this: "If you're truly grateful for everything that's happening in your life, I don't think brain noise can exist." An amazing perspective on dealing with anxiety, if you ask me. Our time with Chris was much too short, as they had to whisk him away for more photo ops. But then we got Anthony Mackie (Falcon) and he was hilarious. I have to say it was a really cool experience even though things turned into a big pain getting there. All in all, yes, I think I'd do it again. Congrats on another great con, SLCC.

Watson

My sister in law told me I should post about him, so here we go:

This is Watson! We adopted this guy back in April from Best Friends Animal Society. They are a great organization, and I highly recommend them to anyone in my area looking for a new fuzzy friend.
Watson is the name they gave him at the shelter, and at first I wasn't too fond of it, but Husband liked it so it stuck. And it's grown on me, much like how much I adore this fluff ball. He is the sweetest, snuggliest cat I've ever met. The first few nights home, he slept between me and Husband on the bed, up by our pillows. It may sound crazy, but it really felt like he was grateful we adopted him.

Just a few days after we brought him home, he was exploring and hopped onto the kitchen counter. I told him to get down, and instead, he hopped up onto the fridge.

He wouldn't get down, so I had to climb onto a chair to get him. Ever since then, he's loved getting into mischief.

He's been known to take naps in a cabinet in Husband's desk.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him.

And he likes to use my chest as a pillow.

Sometimes it seems like he's more dog than cat, though. He runs to greet us when we come home, drinks from the toilet, and begs for food. Not like a dog begs, but he'll come sit and just stare at you. Or, since we often eat dinner sitting on the couch rather than at the dining table, he'll jump up and sit next to you on the couch and sometimes put a paw on your arm. Subtle, yes?

He does have FIV, but you wouldn't know it looking at him or watching him play with his favorite toy. FIV is basically the kitty version of AIDS. It cannot be transferred to humans, only cat to cat through blood. Just like we couldn't give him some human blood borne disease, which now I can't think of any new examples of. It doesn't require him to have any special food or medications, we just have to watch him to see if he gets sick and be quick to get him to the vet if he does. If you'd like to learn more about FIV cats, you can go here.

For those of you who follow me on Instagram and/or are friends with me on Facebook, you're going to have to just put up with all the pictures of him. Until I'm pregnant again, he's our baby.

Blogiversary

Looking back, I can't believe I started this blog a year ago! (Yesterday, technically.) What a year it's been, too. I could rehash everything and write a really long post, but I don't want to dwell on the past. Timon and Pumbaa were right: You've gotta put your behind in your past.

Yes, this past year has easily been the worst of my life. There's no debating that. But I don't want to dwell on it and go over everything again and again. There's a scene in an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where she says "The worst thing that can ever happen to me has already happened." That might not be an exact quote, but the idea is still there. While I do still have my bad days, Husband and I both truly feel things are looking up. We adopted an adorable cat back in spring, and have definitely become much closer as a couple. Those are just two of the good things that have happened despite the difficulties. I've also started teaching myself to be a better cook and documenting my adventures on my cooking blog. We're working on saving to hopefully buy a house in a few months, too. So things are going to be okay. Definitely not where I thought they'd be at this point in the year, but it's alright.    

Still here

It's been two months since I've posted. My bad, I'm terrible at blogging. Well, blogging here. I've been really good at keeping up with my cooking blog if I do say so myself. Anyway, since this blog is insights into my thoughts and feelings and things I like, here's what is easily my favorite scene in my favorite movie:

The movie is Only Lovers Left Alive, and really truly, I love it. Maybe someday I'll do a post about it. Plus, this scene has Tom Hiddleston dancing. Hello swoon!! (This was the only clip I could find with Tilda's speech before they dance, which I also love, so I apologize for the subtitles.)