Mommy shaming

After doing some reading today, something's stuck in my craw. Now I realize I'm not technically a mommy yet as my child is still in utero, but in a few months that will fly by faster than I'm ready for, this little peach will be in my arms. Here's what's been getting me. This phenomenon known as mommy shaming. I doubt I really need to describe exactly what it is. I figured I'd face plenty of unwanted advice when I found out I was pregnant, that's just part of becoming a parent, right? But now you're telling me I'm going to have other moms at the park look down on me for feeding my kid Goldfish crackers instead of some organic cheese snack from Trader Joe's? To try to implement a sleep schedule or not? Let baby cry it out or come running every time? And let's not even touch the breastfeeding argument. It's a total damned if you do, damned if you don't one in my book. People will be upset if I breastfeed in public, and yet other people will be offended if I choose to give my baby formula instead.

Good grief.

STOP.

Can we just...not? Can't we all just support each other in the incredibly difficult journey that is parenthood? I mean, I've already experienced some of this and I'm only four months pregnant!! Honestly, what good does it accomplish putting other people down just because they are doing this parenting thing differently than you? Different does not mean wrong. I feel like I need to repeat that. DIFFERENT DOES NOT MEAN WRONG. I feel like I'm going to need all the help I can get with Peach. The last thing I need when I ask for help is people telling me I'm doing things wrong. Luckily, Husband has been credibly supportive throughout all of this with my opinions about how to do handle certain things. And here I sit, typing this, antsy to actually voice my uncensored opinion about what will be best for us and Peach, as I don't want the backlash which I'm sure will come. Parents don't need to be told they're wrong or horrible people. Know why? Because they're doing the best they can with the situation that they are in. What parents need is support. Especially new and first time parents. We need support. We need people to tell us we're doing a good job, even when we're convinced we're not. And when we do ask for help, please listen to what we are saying and actually asking for.      

Wow

 I'm a bit in awe today. Lately I probably haven't been the most fun person to be around. No specific reason, really, I suppose I could blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I don't think that would be entirely fair. I had another doctor's appointment today and yesterday morning I had a bit of a meltdown because of how utterly terrified I am about everything pregnancy related. Having a tiny human completely dependent on me, all those lovely prenatal tests I'll have to go through, possibly finding out something is wrong at said doctor visit, the doctor not being able to find a heartbeat, labor, everything. (Major props to Husband for being so fantastic with me through all this.)
So this morning came despite my nerves, and I did my best to convince myself that everything was going to be fine. Really, there was no logical reason that it wouldn't be. Right? Right. One good thing about this office is I've never had to wait very long to be seen. Maybe 15 minutes at the most I'd guess. Of course with me being as nervous as I was, that wait seemed much longer than usual. But then the strangest thing happened. When the doctor did come in, I had to fight a huge grin. At first I figured it was because in my mind, he kind of looks like Martin Short. But now after having the majority of the day to reflect on the appointment, I'm thinking there was more to it than that. There was also this odd sense of relief, even though all he'd done so far was ask if I'd been having any problems.
Then it was time to try to hear peach's heartbeat for the first time on a doppler. Cue nerves again. Those first few moments while the doctor searched were spent with my eyes closed telling myself everything was okay. I guess peach was pretty wiggly. :) I wouldn't know, I'm not totally sure if the few little things I've felt here and there are peach yet.

And then there it was.  

It was amazing. I wish I had words for that feeling once there was no doubt in my mind what we were hearing was our little one; alive and strong. After that, I know I can handle this. Things are becoming more and more real. Answering one of my questions, the doctor mentioned when I'm in labor, and that was another moment of "holy crap this is really happening." For the rest of today, I've had this overwhelming sense of peace and confidence about the whole thing. Crazy how the thing that made me so nervous was exactly what I needed. And I am so so grateful that things have worked out with this doctor. Since we found out I was pregnant right after we moved, we didn't know how to find out about good doctors in the area. And we couldn't even keep my old one as she doesn't take the insurance offered by Husband's employer. So I printed off a list of providers in our area who take our insurance, did enough online research to make my head spin, and eventually just went with my gut, praying for the best. Thinking about it on my way home from work, we are putting an insane amount of trust in him. I mean, this is our first child, so we have no idea what we're doing. His hands are the first earthly ones that will touch peach, and do whatever may be needed if peach has some troubles getting here. And I've got to say, I am absolutely okay with that.
I can do this. I can have a good--no--a great pregnancy. I can have a baby and become a mommy.

Impressive

First of all, I can't believe it's already been another month. I have another doctor's appointment next week. My doctor's nice and I like him, and I like finding out everything really is okay with little peach, (that's what we're calling it for right now, I'll explain that in a minute) I still don't like doctor's appointments. Bleck. We're calling it peach because I sent Husband a screen shot of my What to Expect app earlier this week and it said our baby is the size of a peach. So Husband said he was going to start calling it baby peach. We still don't know if it's a boy or a girl, but the anticipation is making me nuts!! Gaaah!! We'll either find out sometime around Christmas or not until January-not sure I can wait that long.
Anyway! I do actually have something fairly intellectual to say this evening. I don't really want to get into specifics of what brought this to my mind, but I've been thinking about why we try so hard to impress others. Often it's people we've never even met. Now, I understand wanting to put your best foot forward, but to what extent? If we try too hard to put a great foot forward, do we eventually reach a point where we're not being ourselves?

I can't say I know the answer to that question, as it will likely vary from person to person. It's just something that's been on my mind lately. I wish I had some analytical thoughts as to the answer to this question, but honestly the original question I was going to write about isn't the one that came out as I sit here typing. I was originally going to write about why we feel the urge to do that, but even that was only a half baked idea. I guess at the end of the day, it's another example of how I really believe it is best to always just be yourself. Be real, and those who really deserve to be in your life will find a way to stay. And those who don't? Well, you'll find you're better off without them.      

Black Friday

Last night, I had my first experience with Black Friday shopping. Now I've gone shopping on Black Friday before, but never at the peak times of crowds and in search of that amazing deal. In my mind, no deal is worth risking getting trampled. But Husband's little sister works at Macy's and needed us to bring her caffeine around 10pm. So we went to Macy's and it actually wasn't very crowded at all. Some areas of the store were busier than others, but it was not at all as bad as I had expected. Then we decided to go on an adventure afterwards and go to Walmart. That was a bit crazier, but still not what I was bracing myself for. The electronics section was easily the busiest part of the store. We did actually get a great deal on a game Husband wanted, so I suppose it was worth it. I still can't say that it's going to become a new tradition. It was pretty amusing to see the insanely full carts people were toting around. I think the grand total for the person in front of us in the checkout was around $700. Yikes. I can't imagine spending that much in one sitting. But then again, she's probably completely done with her Christmas shopping now. Me? I've barely started. And I'm having troubles this year!! I have no idea what to get most people. And I know it's going to be Christmas before I can blink. I also have no good ideas of what to tell people I want. My copout answer is something baby related, but we don't know if it's a boy or girl yet. We might be able to find out right before Christmas, maybe. It all depends on what the doctor says at my appointment week after next. I can't believe it's already been another month. This pregnancy is already going so fast. And yet I still don't really look pregnant and it's making me nuts. I just look chunky and I have no idea how to dress this. I have maternity clothes, but they don't exactly look that great at this stage. Sigh...

And a slightly strange phenomenon I've noticed lately: people are starting to call me things like little mama and mom. I can't decide if it's cute or weird.  

My advice to you

I don't want to already break my determination to blog on Friday nights. But I've been sick. And being sick while you hit the peak nausea time of your first trimester sucks. Therefore, I am exhausted. So, this is my advice to you:

Don't get pregnant and then get a cold. 

Nighty night.

Baker Street

(When in doubt, title your blog post whatever song you're listening to at the moment)

I think I'm going to try to start blogging on Friday nights. I'm not totally sure of what to talk about tonight. I could talk about how Wayne Brady has recently come out speaking about his depression. Here's a link incase you missed it. A few thoughts went through my brain as I read his words. Firstly, only those who have gone through it can adequately describe what it feels like. Secondly, I truly commend and applaud him for publicly speaking about this issue. It needs to be discussed more openly if we are ever going to get rid of the stigma attached to depression--and many other mental illnesses. And I love love love what he said about not being happy all the time "because (he's) human." It seems like so often if we are sad, upset, depressed, or just having a rough few days, we may feel as if this isn't okay. But it is okay. I know I've said a lot of this before, so I won't keep going too much. But bravo to you, Wayne Brady, you're helping thousands you may never get to meet face to face.

Other musings I've been having as of late, in no particular order:

• Being too big for your regular clothes, but not quite big enough for maternity clothes is no bueno. Let's go ahead and get an actual bump so I can look pregnant and not just like I had too many fries.
• On that note, words like prego, preggers, preggy, etc etc MUST GO. Just say I'm pregnant. 
• Why does everyone assume that if you like Tom Hiddleston you must also like Benedict Cumberbatch? And vice versa. I know they're friends, but really...I won't go into all my thoughts, but come on. It is totally possible to like one and not the other. And I am not talking about thinking one or the other is attractive. 
• Really really please please please, Richie Sambora, come back to Bon Jovi. I may cry if this is the end of the dynamic duo of Richie and Jon. And that isn't just pregnancy hormones talking. I don't want to sound like a snob or like I'm bragging, but I've seen them live 3 times now and this most recent concert without Richie absolutely sounded different. Not necessarily bad, but it WAS different. You will not convince me otherwise.  
• WHY does EVERY Doctor Who fan I've ever met insist on making me watch it? Look, I don't like it. I've had enough exposure to the show to know I do not like it. Sorry, not sorry. Judge me, hate me, but it's just the truth. David Tennant is adorable, but please accept that I am a nerd in many ways, but not that one. It's kind of like this:

• Ice cold water is way better than just cold-ish water. To drink, that is.
• Christmas is already everywhere. Seriously?! Not okay. This time last week, I was taking my nephew trick or treating. Now Thanksgiving is one of my least favorite holidays, but this is getting out of hand. I saw somewhere that stores are going to start Black Friday sales at 6pm Thanksgiving day. Which leads me to another point....
• What's the deal with Black Friday?! Don't get me wrong, I love a bargain just as much as the next person, but at what cost? Is it really worth it risking getting trampled and mauled all just to save some money? And how on earth can you think it's FUN?!?! Wow, just noticed my unintentional puns on that one. Haha, my bad. 

Wow, okay, maybe I should have called those things I don't understand rather than musings. Oh well.
 

Lately

I realized the other day that I've unintentionally neglected this blog lately. I guess that's what happens when you start a new full time job and find out you're pregnant all within just a few weeks. Woohoo!! Incase anyone missed it, I work in research now and yes, I am pregnant with our first. There's a part of me that still can't believe it's real. I mean, I've got the nausea, extreme fatigue, weird cravings, we saw the little bugger's heartbeat, (too early to hear it) and yet it still doesn't seem like it's really happening.

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use that Loki gif. Sue me. The psychology of Loki is a post that will have to come later. But oh, I've got my theories. Brace yourselves for that one. Anyway, I haven't had many psychological musings running through my mind lately. So if any of you have been awaiting more of those, I apologize. And it might be due to the fact that I only work with two other people. Well, sort of. The department I'm in only consists of the three of us, but there are lots more people within the entire company itself. In the beginning, I didn't technically apply for this position. I originally applied for a different position within the company, but at my interview I was told that this position had just opened up and I decided to just go with it. And lo and behold, the next day (or day after next, I can't remember for sure...yay pregnancy brain!) I got a phone call saying I got the job. That was a Friday, and I started the following Monday. Now that I've been there for roughly a month, I'm really happy I decided to change my direction slightly. My two coworkers are great, and don't mind when I ask hundreds of questions. It has been interesting though, that one of them will ask me about things we discuss, wanting to know how things look from a psychologist's point of view. This happens on a fairly regular basis. I don't mind it, in fact I really enjoy it when people want to discuss things from that angle.
I do have a fairly stupid theory based on my own observations about the study monitors. Specifically, this company conducts clinical drug trials. And periodically, a monitor from the sponsor site will come to our site to make sure things are running according to protocol. A source of endless frustration for my coworkers, myself as well, although not to the same degree, is the fact that the monitors will often request to have all the patient charts for their study at once, even though there is no way for them to look at all of them simultaneously. When the monitors have the patient charts, they cannot be entered into the electronic database, and oftentimes sponsors want this data within a very tight 48 hour window. So I have what I like to call The Preschooler Theory. Monitors are in the mindset of preschoolers: Mine! They're all mine and you can't have them even if I'm not looking at them because I might want them! It's like when a preschool kid is coloring and another one tries to take the yellow crayon the first one isn't using and the first one won't let them because they're all his and he might need it soon. Totally stupid, but it amuses me and my coworkers.

And that's what's been going on with me lately. I'm hoping to get back into this blog more soon.