SLCC15

Last weekend I went to comic con with my sister and Husband. This the second con Husband and I have been to, the first for my sister. Originally I wasn't going to go. They didn't have any celebrity guests I was super excited about. Somewhere in the mix though, my sister convinced me to sign up for the Superhero 5k with her. And then they announced Chris Evans was going to be at comic con. (That's Captain America for those who aren't in the nerd loop.) That's a HUGE deal. And my sister happens to think he's pretty cute, so I managed to convince her to go to see him and maybe get an autograph or photo op. Then it was announced that his autographs and photo ops would be sold for $150 a pop. Ouch. That's a bit out of range for a good chunk of us, I'd say. So I felt like a horrible sister because I'd convinced her to go for him, and now she wouldn't even get to interact with him. (They released some of the photo ops in a lottery, but of course we didn't win.)
All this was happening in the months and weeks leading up to comic con, I can't remember the exact timeline. Meanwhile, we were doing our best to get in shape for the 5k. Fast forward to a week or two before comic con. SLCC announced that the Chris Evans panel was going to require a ticket, which would be issued, again via a lottery. This was very likely due to the fact that it was going to be extremely popular and we don't have the capacity for people to camp out like they do at San Diego for Hall H. Not to mention, we don't have a room the size of Hall H. So we entered to win for that, thinking little of it as the panel was going to be the same morning as the race.
Fast forward again to Friday night, my sister and I are sitting in a panel at the end of the day. She decides to check her email. She has won a ticket to the Chris Evans panel the next morning!! We're shocked. We leave the panel because it was boring and my sister now needs to decide what to do. So we wander the vendor floor for a bit and participate in some retail therapy. I'm telling her to go to the panel, as is Husband, and her friend she's texting. We sit down in the final panel of the night and she checks her email again. She's won a second ticket! I get to go too! However, the entry times for the panel are roughly an hour apart so we wouldn't be together and we'd have to miss the race. I'm fine with this as I took a month or so off from running after I thought I was pregnant and wasn't. My body's just mean. But she's having a really hard time with this because of all the effort she's put towards it. After much anguish, it's decided we'll go to the panel.

The next morning, we both made some friends while waiting for the panel to start. The girl next to me had flown in from Wisconsin, had a photo op with Chris and Sebastian Stan (the Winter Soldier), and was getting both of them to sign said picture. She said she'd spent about $1000 on all this. That is commitment, right there. But most importantly, the panel! Chris is adorable. He seemed like a very nice, down to earth kind of guy. I didn't know this, but I guess he has social anxiety and wasn't even sure if he should take the role of Cap because of it. I tweeted my favorite quote from the panel, which was this: "If you're truly grateful for everything that's happening in your life, I don't think brain noise can exist." An amazing perspective on dealing with anxiety, if you ask me. Our time with Chris was much too short, as they had to whisk him away for more photo ops. But then we got Anthony Mackie (Falcon) and he was hilarious. I have to say it was a really cool experience even though things turned into a big pain getting there. All in all, yes, I think I'd do it again. Congrats on another great con, SLCC.

Watson

My sister in law told me I should post about him, so here we go:

This is Watson! We adopted this guy back in April from Best Friends Animal Society. They are a great organization, and I highly recommend them to anyone in my area looking for a new fuzzy friend.
Watson is the name they gave him at the shelter, and at first I wasn't too fond of it, but Husband liked it so it stuck. And it's grown on me, much like how much I adore this fluff ball. He is the sweetest, snuggliest cat I've ever met. The first few nights home, he slept between me and Husband on the bed, up by our pillows. It may sound crazy, but it really felt like he was grateful we adopted him.

Just a few days after we brought him home, he was exploring and hopped onto the kitchen counter. I told him to get down, and instead, he hopped up onto the fridge.

He wouldn't get down, so I had to climb onto a chair to get him. Ever since then, he's loved getting into mischief.

He's been known to take naps in a cabinet in Husband's desk.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him.

And he likes to use my chest as a pillow.

Sometimes it seems like he's more dog than cat, though. He runs to greet us when we come home, drinks from the toilet, and begs for food. Not like a dog begs, but he'll come sit and just stare at you. Or, since we often eat dinner sitting on the couch rather than at the dining table, he'll jump up and sit next to you on the couch and sometimes put a paw on your arm. Subtle, yes?

He does have FIV, but you wouldn't know it looking at him or watching him play with his favorite toy. FIV is basically the kitty version of AIDS. It cannot be transferred to humans, only cat to cat through blood. Just like we couldn't give him some human blood borne disease, which now I can't think of any new examples of. It doesn't require him to have any special food or medications, we just have to watch him to see if he gets sick and be quick to get him to the vet if he does. If you'd like to learn more about FIV cats, you can go here.

For those of you who follow me on Instagram and/or are friends with me on Facebook, you're going to have to just put up with all the pictures of him. Until I'm pregnant again, he's our baby.

Blogiversary

Looking back, I can't believe I started this blog a year ago! (Yesterday, technically.) What a year it's been, too. I could rehash everything and write a really long post, but I don't want to dwell on the past. Timon and Pumbaa were right: You've gotta put your behind in your past.

Yes, this past year has easily been the worst of my life. There's no debating that. But I don't want to dwell on it and go over everything again and again. There's a scene in an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where she says "The worst thing that can ever happen to me has already happened." That might not be an exact quote, but the idea is still there. While I do still have my bad days, Husband and I both truly feel things are looking up. We adopted an adorable cat back in spring, and have definitely become much closer as a couple. Those are just two of the good things that have happened despite the difficulties. I've also started teaching myself to be a better cook and documenting my adventures on my cooking blog. We're working on saving to hopefully buy a house in a few months, too. So things are going to be okay. Definitely not where I thought they'd be at this point in the year, but it's alright.    

Still here

It's been two months since I've posted. My bad, I'm terrible at blogging. Well, blogging here. I've been really good at keeping up with my cooking blog if I do say so myself. Anyway, since this blog is insights into my thoughts and feelings and things I like, here's what is easily my favorite scene in my favorite movie:

The movie is Only Lovers Left Alive, and really truly, I love it. Maybe someday I'll do a post about it. Plus, this scene has Tom Hiddleston dancing. Hello swoon!! (This was the only clip I could find with Tilda's speech before they dance, which I also love, so I apologize for the subtitles.)

Rise, my fallen angel

The past week has been really interesting to me. I'm hesitant sitting here at our kitchen table, wanting to post something (in my mind) quite bold. But, I did say if my experiences can help someone else, I'm happy to share. So on that note, here we go. This will be very open and raw.

After losing our darling Peach, I was given antidepressants. I didn't ask for them specifically, my OB offered a prescription and Husband thought they could help. I figured he saw how I was doing more clearly than I saw myself. After some hesitancy, I decided it would be okay for me to take them. This was a big deal for me. While I feel that I've struggled with depression long before this whole thing, I always prided myself on being able to handle it on my own. I didn't want to have to rely on a pill messing with my serotonin or dopamine levels. But, ultimately I took them. And at first I wasn't sure if they were helping. I knew they were working, as I had lovely side effects like headaches and dizziness. I was Leslie Knope on flu medicine.

Shortly after Dr. C gave me my prescription, (Zoloft, to be specific) Husband went to a family PA for reasons of his own that aren't mine to share. I came with because he asked me to. And for the sake of not having a ridiculously long blog post we'll skip to this: the PA suggested switching medications for me since I wasn't feeling like myself. I wasn't sure I wanted to. It scared me. I was already playing with neurotransmitters, and I wasn't sure I wanted to change, for fear of how I might feel. I can't really explain specifically what scared me, but I waited a few months while the PA's suggestion haunted me and eventually bit the bullet. Side note here: I do not like going to the doctor. Nope nope nope. I adore my OB, but I would still get nervous before every appointment. I also really like this PA, but again, I still get nervous every time I go. But anyway, the PA gave me Prozac. This made me feel pretty crappy, as I was hoping he would give me the okay to go off the antidepressants entirely. I gave it a shot with the Prozac, unsure if the fact that I was feeling slightly better was due to the medications or just time passing. It was late May at this point. I really wanted to feel better, but I was still having some side effects. So I gave the office a call, and my medication changed again to Celexa. This really didn't make me happy. My poor brain probably didn't know what hit it. With no relief of the side effects, I went to see the PA to say I'm done with antidepressants. And wonderfully, he listened and thought I was at a good point to see how I did taking everything out of my system.

So this week has been my first with no meds. And you know what? I feel amazing. I did it, guys!!! Looking back now, I don't feel the same sadness I did. The situation still sucks out loud, but I have this renewed sense of strength. It's somewhat difficult to explain. The title of this post comes from a song by Bon Jovi. (Really, are you that surprised? If I ever get to meet that man, I will give him a huge hug and say thank you. And probably cry. Then ask him to sign my guitar.) The song is called Brokenpromiseland and it comes from The Circle album. The full bridge says "Rise, my fallen angel. Come on, now. Shine, don't let them break you." Check it out if you'd like, it's one of my favorites from that album. But I remember so many people telling me I'm a strong woman when I was in the hospital, and at the time I didn't get it. I didn't see it. I was sitting on the edge of my hospital bed crying out of fear, not pain, as I got my epidural. Supposedly the anesthesiologist told my mom I'm a very strong girl afterwards, but again, I didn't feel it. Now I do. And it's fantastic. While my life at this moment is far from perfect, and not at all where I thought it would be at this time, dare I say it? I'm happy. Something the PA said when I was explaining how I'd much rather be doing the analyzing than be analyzed kind of smacked me upside the head. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, but you know how sometimes things finally get through to where they're supposed to and smack you? That's what it was. He said that sometimes we need to be on this side of the table (gesturing to where I was sitting) and that's okay.

We can't (I can't) help others until we first help ourselves. And I now feel like I've done that, and I'm much more prepared to help those around me. It's not selfish. I'm not ashamed of my story and the things that I did to get to this point. I want nothing more than to use this strength to help those who may be feeling the things that I've felt, and really can't be understood unless you've been there yourself. And because I feel like songs say the things that I want to better than I can about 90% of the time, I'm going to end this post with another Bon Jovi song. Same album, but this one's called Learn to Love. It's helped me through many difficult times, not just this most recent one. Please take a few minutes to listen to it. From my heart.

        

No day but today

I watched the movie Rent for the first time in a few years last weekend. Ever since then I've had songs and bits of the show running through my mind. Not complaining one single bit. I adore that show and its music and its message. (If you only know Rent by Seasons of Love, you're missing out.) Rent is also packed full of incredible talent. I believe the stage version came before the movie, and these people are phenomenal. Musicians first, actors second. Not like the Les Mis movie that came out a few years ago-actors first, musicians second (if you're lucky). Ugh. Les Mis is one of my favorite musicals and I think that movie did it a huge disservice. But, I won't go into that rant here. Generally I really like musicals, but only six have made it to my highly exclusive list of favorites. Rent's on that list as well, so now you know two of the six. Maybe one day I'll explain that list, but I digress.

To me, Rent screams acceptance of everyone, regardless of their outward appearances, sexual preference, past mistakes or experiences. This is something I wish we had more of as a people. I've run into too many people who judge an individual based on what they see before they even get to know them. And it drives me nuts. You know what? Those people with piercings, tattoos, and/or crazy hair are some of the nicest and most accepting people you will ever meet; at least in my experience. The ways they've chosen to express themselves outwardly does not make them bad people or freaks. Let's look at the characters in Rent: we've got a lesbian couple, two straight guys, a straight girl who works at a strip club for a living, a drag queen, and another gay guy who ends up in a relationship with said drag queen. A few of them have AIDS. One is fighting a drug addiction. Are any of them bad people? No. Heck, one of the cutest love songs I've ever heard is in Rent, and it's sung by two men. All these people come together and form their own version of a family and accept each other despite their pasts and flaws. How I wish more people did this. How quick we are to judge and condemn a person based on one little detail about them, ignoring all else. Folks, when we do that, we are missing out on some amazing relationships.

I'm not trying to be preachy, so I apologize if I'm coming off that way. This is just something I'm very passionate about. Just please, let's try to be a little more accepting and loving of everyone. Many people are fighting demons we know nothing about. Take a moment to get to know someone a little more and your life will become so much richer.

I wanted to post one of the songs from the musical to show how wonderfully brilliant it is, but it is so hard to choose! Ultimately, I decided to showcase a very simple one. Background to the song is that the people in the circle singing have AIDS and are at an AIDS support group. Musically, it is so simple. It's just a round. Four lines. Yet it gets me teary every time. That right there speaks for how powerful the rest of the songs in the show are.

And, since I don't want to leave things on a somewhat sad note, (haha pun) here's Seasons of Love. (Check out the crazy high note at 2:55!!)

Divergent, Insurgent, Urgent...Detergent?

Earlier today, I saw something from someone who said they didn't like the new Avengers movie. This is the first negative response to the movie I have seen. To this person, it was more of the same. This got me thinking and the gears in my head turning. Obviously, it shares many things with the first Avengers movie, but that's to be expected--Age of Ultron is a sequel. The trend that I'm seeing way too much of (in my opinion) in movies is the post apocalyptic end of days type movies. Movies where a supreme force, usually the government, is trying to create a utopia and suppresses everyone--except for our heroic main character. Our main character does not fall prey to these collectivist ideas and ultimately breaks down the corrupt leadership. The message is always the same. Break away from the mindless crowd and fight the oppression of authority. I'm not saying these movies are bad, I've enjoyed some of them, however it is getting old. So the question I'm always asking myself is why? Why are these movies doing so well? Why do we seem to respond so well to them?
I have a few different ideas floating in my head as to why this is the case right now. Firstly and simply, Hollywood is out of ideas. They're remaking almost anything they can think of (we're on round 3 of Spiderman movies for crap's sake) for lack of new fresh ideas. And these movies have done well, so might as well try to get as much money out of the idea as they can.
Or, we as a population are fed up with the government and those in authority. I can't speak for everyone, and I'm definitely not trying to, but there does seem to be an increase in these attitudes. We see a lot of examples of this through the media, and I don't feel the need to rehash them here.
Running along the same path of our frustration with authority is the inner desire to rebel and fight back. But we've all been taught that if you fight against government and laws, you often end up in jail and possibly even killed depending on the severity of your offense. That's where these movies come in. The main characters in these movies go against rules and laws and don't get punished. In fact, usually the opposite happens. They are praised and given anything their hearts could desire and the world is healed and wonderful again. We can live vicariously through characters like Triss Prior (Divergent) and Jonas (The Giver). Quick side note-I know The Giver has been a book long long before it was made into a movie, and long before the Divergent series was written, it's just an example that came to mind quickly. We can feel like our desires have been fulfilled without doing anything that may get us into sticky situations. And who doesn't like to see good prevailing over evil? Even I do, even though I do love me a good villain. More on that in another post. And it's uplifting to see the "power of one" put into action. Oftentimes we can feel as though just one person could never make a difference in this world and it can be nice to see those feelings proven wrong.
Not to mention these movies tend to have a very strong sense of individuality, and we are all looking for something to set us apart from the pack. Whether it's a talent, a tattoo, a piercing, hair color, or different way of performing a common task. We all want to be seen as different from the crowd, yet not so different that we are no longer part of the crowd. The crowd is comfort. Assuming those in the crowd share generally the same thoughts and feelings as you do. And in these movies, the crowd has become so enmeshed that individuality becomes virtually non existent. Eventually that one person pushes back and we get a blockbuster. That one person shows us it's okay to be different and not be afraid to entirely be ourselves because in the end, it is what will save the world. The similarities between these types of movies and superhero movies is not lost on me, I know I mentioned The Avengers at the beginning of this post. But I'm not going to dive into those now, maybe in a later post. Until then, hopefully I got you thinking just a little bit. :)