Mommy shaming

After doing some reading today, something's stuck in my craw. Now I realize I'm not technically a mommy yet as my child is still in utero, but in a few months that will fly by faster than I'm ready for, this little peach will be in my arms. Here's what's been getting me. This phenomenon known as mommy shaming. I doubt I really need to describe exactly what it is. I figured I'd face plenty of unwanted advice when I found out I was pregnant, that's just part of becoming a parent, right? But now you're telling me I'm going to have other moms at the park look down on me for feeding my kid Goldfish crackers instead of some organic cheese snack from Trader Joe's? To try to implement a sleep schedule or not? Let baby cry it out or come running every time? And let's not even touch the breastfeeding argument. It's a total damned if you do, damned if you don't one in my book. People will be upset if I breastfeed in public, and yet other people will be offended if I choose to give my baby formula instead.

Good grief.

STOP.

Can we just...not? Can't we all just support each other in the incredibly difficult journey that is parenthood? I mean, I've already experienced some of this and I'm only four months pregnant!! Honestly, what good does it accomplish putting other people down just because they are doing this parenting thing differently than you? Different does not mean wrong. I feel like I need to repeat that. DIFFERENT DOES NOT MEAN WRONG. I feel like I'm going to need all the help I can get with Peach. The last thing I need when I ask for help is people telling me I'm doing things wrong. Luckily, Husband has been credibly supportive throughout all of this with my opinions about how to do handle certain things. And here I sit, typing this, antsy to actually voice my uncensored opinion about what will be best for us and Peach, as I don't want the backlash which I'm sure will come. Parents don't need to be told they're wrong or horrible people. Know why? Because they're doing the best they can with the situation that they are in. What parents need is support. Especially new and first time parents. We need support. We need people to tell us we're doing a good job, even when we're convinced we're not. And when we do ask for help, please listen to what we are saying and actually asking for.      

Wow

 I'm a bit in awe today. Lately I probably haven't been the most fun person to be around. No specific reason, really, I suppose I could blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I don't think that would be entirely fair. I had another doctor's appointment today and yesterday morning I had a bit of a meltdown because of how utterly terrified I am about everything pregnancy related. Having a tiny human completely dependent on me, all those lovely prenatal tests I'll have to go through, possibly finding out something is wrong at said doctor visit, the doctor not being able to find a heartbeat, labor, everything. (Major props to Husband for being so fantastic with me through all this.)
So this morning came despite my nerves, and I did my best to convince myself that everything was going to be fine. Really, there was no logical reason that it wouldn't be. Right? Right. One good thing about this office is I've never had to wait very long to be seen. Maybe 15 minutes at the most I'd guess. Of course with me being as nervous as I was, that wait seemed much longer than usual. But then the strangest thing happened. When the doctor did come in, I had to fight a huge grin. At first I figured it was because in my mind, he kind of looks like Martin Short. But now after having the majority of the day to reflect on the appointment, I'm thinking there was more to it than that. There was also this odd sense of relief, even though all he'd done so far was ask if I'd been having any problems.
Then it was time to try to hear peach's heartbeat for the first time on a doppler. Cue nerves again. Those first few moments while the doctor searched were spent with my eyes closed telling myself everything was okay. I guess peach was pretty wiggly. :) I wouldn't know, I'm not totally sure if the few little things I've felt here and there are peach yet.

And then there it was.  

It was amazing. I wish I had words for that feeling once there was no doubt in my mind what we were hearing was our little one; alive and strong. After that, I know I can handle this. Things are becoming more and more real. Answering one of my questions, the doctor mentioned when I'm in labor, and that was another moment of "holy crap this is really happening." For the rest of today, I've had this overwhelming sense of peace and confidence about the whole thing. Crazy how the thing that made me so nervous was exactly what I needed. And I am so so grateful that things have worked out with this doctor. Since we found out I was pregnant right after we moved, we didn't know how to find out about good doctors in the area. And we couldn't even keep my old one as she doesn't take the insurance offered by Husband's employer. So I printed off a list of providers in our area who take our insurance, did enough online research to make my head spin, and eventually just went with my gut, praying for the best. Thinking about it on my way home from work, we are putting an insane amount of trust in him. I mean, this is our first child, so we have no idea what we're doing. His hands are the first earthly ones that will touch peach, and do whatever may be needed if peach has some troubles getting here. And I've got to say, I am absolutely okay with that.
I can do this. I can have a good--no--a great pregnancy. I can have a baby and become a mommy.

Impressive

First of all, I can't believe it's already been another month. I have another doctor's appointment next week. My doctor's nice and I like him, and I like finding out everything really is okay with little peach, (that's what we're calling it for right now, I'll explain that in a minute) I still don't like doctor's appointments. Bleck. We're calling it peach because I sent Husband a screen shot of my What to Expect app earlier this week and it said our baby is the size of a peach. So Husband said he was going to start calling it baby peach. We still don't know if it's a boy or a girl, but the anticipation is making me nuts!! Gaaah!! We'll either find out sometime around Christmas or not until January-not sure I can wait that long.
Anyway! I do actually have something fairly intellectual to say this evening. I don't really want to get into specifics of what brought this to my mind, but I've been thinking about why we try so hard to impress others. Often it's people we've never even met. Now, I understand wanting to put your best foot forward, but to what extent? If we try too hard to put a great foot forward, do we eventually reach a point where we're not being ourselves?

I can't say I know the answer to that question, as it will likely vary from person to person. It's just something that's been on my mind lately. I wish I had some analytical thoughts as to the answer to this question, but honestly the original question I was going to write about isn't the one that came out as I sit here typing. I was originally going to write about why we feel the urge to do that, but even that was only a half baked idea. I guess at the end of the day, it's another example of how I really believe it is best to always just be yourself. Be real, and those who really deserve to be in your life will find a way to stay. And those who don't? Well, you'll find you're better off without them.