The real Marilyn

The other night I said something when Husband and I were talking that got me to thinking. I said that no one is perfectly happy all the time, and those who are likely are hiding something. So why do we do that? Why do we place pressure on those who might be struggling to just plaster a smile on their faces instead of acknowledging what they are really feeling? It's a strange standard that I've witnessed pressed upon others, as well as myself. Before I go any further, I would like to make one thing clear. I am not saying that all people who are always happy are hiding something. I am merely addressing the issue of why we sometimes hide those less than picturesque parts of ourselves when there isn't as much of a need to as we may believe.

We're told to smile in photographs, but is that our real selves? Photographs are designed to capture a person's essence, their personality, their memory. While being happy and smiling is a part of every person, it surely isn't the only part. And I personally do not see the harm in letting those parts show when needed. My favorite photographer, Richard Avedon, once had the opportunity to photograph the beautiful Marilyn Monroe. "For hours she danced and sang and flirted and did this thing that's-she did Marilyn Monroe. Avedon said about the experience. "Then there was the inevitable drop...she sat in the corner like a child, with everything gone. I wouldn't photograph her without her knowledge of it. And as I came with the camera, I saw that she was not saying no." When I first saw the image that came of this experience, I instantly loved it. Why? Because it is real. It is raw. It is not hiding anything. 

In the song "City of Blinding Lights" by U2, there is a lyric that says "Don't look before you laugh, look ugly in a photograph. Flash bulbs, purple irises the camera can't see...Can you see the beauty inside of me?" The beauty inside, I believe, is all too quickly hidden by the command to smile and "look happy". One of the people I met at Weber State a few years ago is without a doubt one of the happiest people I have ever encountered. Almost to the point of being frustrating. He never had a bad thing to say about anyone or anything. He was a joy to be around, and it was only after I got close to him that I learned he had suffered from depression. It was fairly obvious to me that he had overcompensated and swung a bit too far in the other direction in an attempt to hide this malady. 

BUT WHY?!

Folks, depression is not something to be ashamed of. Please, do not be. This social pressure to always be happy and smile, while it may be well intentioned, can often cause people to feel worse about themselves and push them to put forth a persona that is not real. And that bothers me a bit. The connections with others we make from day to day have the potential to be so much deeper and rewarding if we are willing to show what we may be afraid to. Obviously there are instances where this would not be the best decision. But for most people, it is so refreshing to find when someone is unapologetic about who they are, and own their struggles. Own who you are, every last piece. After all, what kind of life are you likely to live if there is always something hiding? I will be very open with the world now and say that I also deal with depression. And I have come to terms with it. At first, I hid but I soon realized that was no way to live life. So I dealt with it as best I could. I am open and honest about it because more people need to be. It is a part of me and I have accepted it, and I am doing my best to use it to help those who may be in similar positions. Please, people, let's be more real with each other. Think of the meaningful conversations you can have, and the friendships that can be deepened. Isn't that worth at least giving it a try with someone you trust and care about? Because chances are if that person truly cares about you, they will reciprocate in a positive way. All I am asking for is for more of us to accept every part of ourselves and use our imperfections to help those who might be struggling. Do not throw common human decency out the window because I said to let your less than picturesque features be known, but at least don't try let them make you feel like less of a good person. The things you have been through shape your life, and without them we would all be emotionless robots. Realize that just because you may not be as bubbly and perky as someone else, it doesn't mean you have nothing to offer. Make your imperfections and quirks your advantage and watch as amazing things unfold before your eyes. 

After the Con

Well, I survived my first experience with Comic Con. I don't even know how to describe every aspect of it. Before I say anything, though, let me say amazing props to Dan Farr and all his team and all the volunteers who helped pull it off so well. Lines on Thursday were kind of crazy, but that is to be expected with the first day of such an event.
I probably shouldn't have started off with the Cary Elwes panel. (Then again, I can blame the scheduling people for that as his panel was Thursday at 3, so of course it would be the first thing I would go to.) Because after that, nothing compared in fantasticality. (Wow, I didn't think fantasticality was actually a word. Points for me!) Do I need to pause and tell you all who Cary Elwes is? As you wish... :D Recognize the name now? Westley in The Princess Bride, Robin Hood in Robin Hood: Men In Tights, and quite a few others, but those are the main ones in my mind.

Thanks to The Princess Bride, he was probably one of my first celebrity crushes. And it was pretty obvious I'm not alone in that. But anyway, what made his panel so glorious was the fact that it was so easy to tell he loves what he does. I love seeing that in people. He was funny, charismatic, and so genuinely kind to all the fans who asked questions. I wasn't planning on getting any autographs or photo ops, but after that, I absolutely would have at least gone to tell Cary he won a thousand awesome points in my book. But I didn't. I was still taking it all in on Thursday, I didn't want to go see him the day I was in cosplay (Friday), and we ended up not going on Saturday due to our move. Lesson learned.
I was kind of disappointed there were only about five people who recognized my cosplay, but then again, if you don't watch the show it was from, you probably wouldn't think I was wearing anything unique. I realize that, but still. It was kind of depressing. And to save anyone from asking, I went as Moriarty from the BBC's Sherlock. I even picked the outfit he wears when he's stealing the crown jewels as I thought it would be more identifiable than just a suit, which is what you see him in 95% of the time. Side note: yes, I've watched Sherlock and it wasn't half bad. No I am not, nor will I ever be, a Cumberbitch. That is all. I was surprised at the lack of Sherlock cosplays as all I ever heard about that show before I finally gave it a shot was how amazing it was and how much I'd love it. I liked it. It was good, but definitely not as wonderful as everyone told me it would be. But, my friends told me I'd make a good Moriarty and the cosplay came together in about five minutes. End discussion of my cosplay.
It was a lot of fun to see all the different cosplays and the different levels of skill associated with them. They definitely got better from Thursday to Friday and I bet there were a lot of excellent ones on Saturday as well. And it was kind of cool to be in a crowd of that many people who share the same affinities, it's not weird to tell a total stranger you like their costume or their t-shirt, and it's not weird to ask that same stranger for a picture. We had only been in the Con for two minutes or so when a guy who was cosplaying as Thor with a Loki kitten on his head walked past me. My friends and I were all wearing these shirts

so naturally he bent down and had me pet the Loki kitten. Not strange at all. Just being at Comic Con, there was this unspoken sense of camaraderie with the other attendees that I didn't expect. You didn't need to feel self conscious because the people there love the same things you do, no matter how strange they may be. So thank you to all who made the event possible, and I can't wait to do it all again in the spring.  

First Con

Well folks, Salt Lake Comic Con starts tomorrow and continues through Saturday. I've never been to a Comic Con, and there's a part of me that probably never thought I would. I kid you not, back in junior high and high school I thought Comic Con was a bunch of people (nerds) getting together to read comics and talk about them. Lame! But here I am, planning on going to all three days with Husband and some friends. Honestly I don't really know what to expect.
I know it will be crazy crowded. I know there will be celebrities and cosplayers and authors and artists. I know there will be panels. I know there will be stuff to buy. I know I probably won't be able to see and do all that I would like to.
And lucky for me, my favorite star will not be there. I know you're probably wondering why I say that's lucky for me. Why wouldn't I want a chance to get an autograph and/or picture with him? Well, here's the thing...I'm weird. Like seriously. I can be a total spaz sometimes. And I know in that instance I would probably lose all capability of having coherent thoughts, let alone forming words. That and there is a lot that I would like to say to him. (Although it's likely he's heard a great deal of it before coming from other fangirls.) Really, I don't even know what I would say. I know what I would want to say, but who knows what I would actually end up saying. Him: Hello, how are you? Me: Good....you're...I like you. Do you like....stuff? Hug me? *holds up camera* Picture? Or, I could just faint. That would be an awesome option too.

Maybe I'm wrong with this, I don't know, but I feel like Comic Con also wouldn't be the ideal place to meet your favorite star. The way I see it is you'd get very little time to interact with them. And it could feel a bit forced. Like I said, maybe I'm wrong on this, I have never been to one of these things before so I can't say from experience. I know this sounds so picky. Not only do I want to meet him, but in the perfect circumstances...I know it's extremely unlikely. I know.
Which brings me to my other point. In talking about meeting celebrities, who's to say that the version of them you have in your head is truly what they are actually like? The clips on youtube and interviews you see could all be just as much of an act as when they are on the big screen. Personally, I don't want my mental bubble to be burst. And yet totally conflicting to all of these things I've just said, I want to meet him. Oh heavens, I do. I would love to sit and discuss (translation: psychoanalyze) some of the different roles he's played in movies together. That would make all the different aspects of my inner nerd so incredibly happy. But the chances of that happening are astronomically small. Such is life.
So, back to what brought me to those thoughts, I shall go to Comic Con tomorrow, and I'm sure at least some aspects of my inner nerd will still be very happy. My inner nerd will become my outer nerd. And I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about it soon.