I need to rant. Slash whine. My OB gave me a prescription for Clomid at the end of last month. At first I was hesitant but I'm so sick of trying and getting nowhere so I gave it a go. And it frickin sucks. I felt fairly normal when I was actually taking the pills, but now that it's been about two weeks since I took the cycle of pills, I hate it. I feel pregnant, which makes absolutely no sense. I'm not due for my period until the end of next week, so it's way too early to speculate. And my face refuses to clear up, in fact, I woke up to it looking worse this morning. My first thought was maybe my hormones are out of whack for a good reason, but then I realized probably not as I always break out about a week before my period. And since it's Wednesday, it's not as early as I originally thought. What is the point of taking these awful pills that screw with my mind if I'm just going to get a big fat red stain on my birthday?! Honestly. Universe, just stop messing with me. I don't have the emotional stamina for this for much longer. I just don't. If I'd known all this was going to happen, I could have gotten a head start on my masters. But no....
And you know what doesn't help? What isn't at all comforting? Those couples who tried for 5-6+ years before they finally got pregnant. Do you have any idea how disheartening that is??? No, of course you don't. How could you? And sure...their trial went on way longer than mine...you know what? I don't care!! Because the fact of the matter is, I heard my daughter's heartbeat. She had a body. I felt her move inside me. SHE WAS HERE. And then left. So now I'm stuck trying to bring her back, with little to no help from the stars. I'm sick of this. I could have been a therapist by now. I could have made something more of myself. Instead, I'm sitting at home teaching myself how to be a housewife to a husband and cat. Because I can't start any big projects for fear of having to put them on hold at some point. And don't say it'll happen when it's supposed to or my time will come. Those are honestly THE LEAST helpful things to hear. Just let me scream and cry.
